Disney matter

Regular habitues of TK Maxx, the bargain clothes barn, will be familiar with Disney's ranges of T shirts. Disney Ink and Paint make vintagey, sequinned, distressed shirts. But they're a tadge bit Jordan-takes-her-blind-kid-on-holiday-for-spread-in-Hello for my liking. In fact, one of their retailers describe them as "fun clothes for nice people", which is enough to put even the most ardent Mickey fan off.


A notch up are the Disney Couture shirts (Snow White on left). Easy enough to find in the USA, at stores such as Hot Topic, they're more elusive over here in the UK. I bagged a really neat Cinderella blue chap in the Urban Outfitters sale, so perhaps that's a good place to start. I'm also digging the print-on-demand vintage Disney shirts at Zazzle

Of the official outlets, The Disney UK online store is pretty useless, full of baby pink hotpants with a tastefully embroidered Little Mermaid logo that only a retarded suburban hairdresser could love and embroidered Quo-style denim. But when I visited the US equivalent , I felt like Tiny Tim pressing his nose against the toy shop window, snow falling on his tousled hair, knowing he would never get his frozen hands on any of the sparkling goods inside.



Disney US sell brilliantly bonkers items like this diamante set of Mickey ears, created by Madeline Beth, that retail at $1200 and are perfect for high days and holidays, I would wear these to a picnic on a hill, or perhaps a disco in a retirement home. Plus they have enough vintage-style Disneyland merchandise to fill a fairytale castle. I love the old hand-drawn Disneyland logo. It's so evocative that it makes me pine for holidays I never even had.


These flags are lovely, and would look comforting and familiar above a bed, or fluttering proudly above a porch. "I went to Disney before it was sanitized into nothingness," they would proclaim.

But we can't buy any of them. Disney US won't ship over here (believe me, I asked very nicely). Please, we didn't get a theme park. Give us some cool things to buy in compensation.

It's funny, I'm not even a huge fan of Disney films, but their wholesome-50s-Americana-meets-European-fairy-tale imagery makes me melt.

PS. A joke for any Scottish people.

Q What is the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?
A Bing sings, and...