The best hats money can buy

I love a good hat, me. Can't get enough head gear. Here are my top ten hats, ranging from sassy to smart, and where you can buy them.

1. The Sailor - On the town? Shore leave? Nothing says "Two cheap whores and a cheeky wink" like the doughboy.









2. The New York Police Officer - officious yet camp. Accessorise with aviator shades and a stern look.












3. The tiny top hat - For those days when you feel like drag kinging it up, but not TOO much...















4. The Puritan - Perfect after a prolonged period of over-indulgence. Wear with your best silk stockings and buckled shoes.











5. The Viking - Raping? Pillaging? They'd be no fun if you weren't wearing this horned helmet...












6. The Greek - Noble, yet providing an anonymity that enables the wearer to perform despicable acts of brutality. Perfect for shopping and/or picnicking.












7. The Beret - Cheap, warm, and somehow meek. Covers up the grimmest of hair days. If someone shouts "Frank Spencer" at you, growl in French at them and throw an onion at their head.








8. The Tricorn - With a corner each for the father, the son, and the holy ghost, a tricorn hat will lend an instant air of godliness and town cryer authority. Oh, and indeed, Yez.











9. The Clone - I really like wearing hats designed for gay men. I hope you do too. It cheers me.











10. The Dunce - Yes, because I am one. But also because the idea of publicly shaming slow kids in front of their peers is both astounding and hilarious. If I had kids, I'd wear one of these to a parents' evening.