Lily Allen's shoes on sale soon

Lily Allen has 'designed' a range of clothes for one of my favourite cheapy high street shops, New Look (or Neu Look, as I like to call them - their logo suggests a more teutonic moniker). Some of her collection appeared in the Sunday Times at the weekend.

I like gobby Lily a lot. Her songs bounce, and her opinions make me laugh. She's not boring. I like her New Look collection too. It's not boring either.

Not for her the safe taupe middle aged blandness of Madonna's H&M clothes, or the gaudy low rent trash of every Julien MacDonald collaboration. Lily's clothes are fun and funny, quirky and cute. Frilly green ballgowns and cute peep toe suede heels.

I like this pair of trainers. They're only going to be £12. They sort of remind me of the old Kleenex box pattern. I'd wear them with a pair of black skinny jeans and a smile. Sorry, thought I'd be able to resist that...

Shiny Shiny Plastic Shoes

I am always at a loss when it comes to summer shoes. I like to wear socks, they make me feel secure and able to kick arse at a moment's notice, but do sometimes envy my bare footed and fancy free sisters.

I think I might eschew the hosiery, however, if I bought a pair of these supercute and shiny plastic shoes from Topshop. They're the kind of shoes that turn the dullest of trudges into a sparkly hop. Shiny shiny like little dolly's shoes.

They're only £10. That's a tenner in old money. They come in this peacock blue as well as sunshine yellow and basic black and white.

As they're made entirely of plastic your toes might get a bit stinky, so don't come running to me if you get trenchfoot.

The best hats money can buy

I love a good hat, me. Can't get enough head gear. Here are my top ten hats, ranging from sassy to smart, and where you can buy them.

1. The Sailor - On the town? Shore leave? Nothing says "Two cheap whores and a cheeky wink" like the doughboy.









2. The New York Police Officer - officious yet camp. Accessorise with aviator shades and a stern look.












3. The tiny top hat - For those days when you feel like drag kinging it up, but not TOO much...















4. The Puritan - Perfect after a prolonged period of over-indulgence. Wear with your best silk stockings and buckled shoes.











5. The Viking - Raping? Pillaging? They'd be no fun if you weren't wearing this horned helmet...












6. The Greek - Noble, yet providing an anonymity that enables the wearer to perform despicable acts of brutality. Perfect for shopping and/or picnicking.












7. The Beret - Cheap, warm, and somehow meek. Covers up the grimmest of hair days. If someone shouts "Frank Spencer" at you, growl in French at them and throw an onion at their head.








8. The Tricorn - With a corner each for the father, the son, and the holy ghost, a tricorn hat will lend an instant air of godliness and town cryer authority. Oh, and indeed, Yez.











9. The Clone - I really like wearing hats designed for gay men. I hope you do too. It cheers me.











10. The Dunce - Yes, because I am one. But also because the idea of publicly shaming slow kids in front of their peers is both astounding and hilarious. If I had kids, I'd wear one of these to a parents' evening.

Zelda meets Led Zeppelin T Shirt

I've been playing Zelda over the weekend. I wish I'd had this Led Zeppelin-style t shirt to wear while I'm sling shotting and throwing pigs around. It's only $22 from Hot Topic.

New Benefit BadGal Mascara. Lashless Girls Everywhere Rejoice.

I'm a big fan of the retro stylings and luscious indulgence of Benefit Cosmetics. and their BadGal mascara is fit for the toughest gang girl. So the news that they're bringing out an eye-enhancing navy blue version (they claim it will appear to intensify your eye colour) makes me very very happy.

Now, if only they could carry the whole range in every branch of Boots...

Tom of Finland Bed Linen

The genius who came up with the idea of Tom Of Finland bed linen deserves to be carried around their village on the shoulders of their friends. From further away, Dirty Linen's designs look like a dainty lady toile. But on closer inspection, Tom's seventies gay clone muscle men pose, flex and kiss filthily across your pillows.

The other designs are just dandy too - the tattoo style 'vice' and the groovy 'suburban' aren't quite as daring, but still stylish.

A pair of pillow cases will set you back $35, which is pricey, but worth every penny for the eye raises (or flirty winks) you'll get when washing these down the launderette. Buy them here

Fashion Icon: Wonder Woman

I’m having a Wonder Woman moment. From her jet black, glossy hair and clear, bright eyes, to the flesh tights and big tight pants so man made you can hear the thrush singing from a mile away, she is the embodiment of power, strength, and supersexiness.

Sadly, Buffy’s Joss Whedon is no longer writing the script or directing the upcoming feature film, but my hopes are still high that someone like Christina Ricci or Rose McGowan will lend some darkness to the role.

Meanwhile, why not get hold of some heroic merchandise, including shiny red boots, WW T shirts and those fabulous pants from Superherostuff.com





And to tide you over until the film comes out, here’s a compilation of some of Linda Carter as WW’s finest moments.

Jars for Drugs

These stone jars are perfect for keeping your uppers, downers, blues, reds, or whatever new fangled name you give to your drugs in. Or even just tea bags if you’re boring like me.

I especially like the Quaaludes one. After reading various rock n roll biographies, I wondered for years what ‘’ludes’ were. I dig the name, it sounds like an exotic animal or perhaps a far flung country’s spear-waving inhabitants.

Anyway, these very cute mothers’ little helpers jars are made by Jonathan Adler, an admirable company who have their own manifestos. I like manifestos. Here are some of their best points
We believe colors can't clash.
We believe tassels are the earrings of the home.
We believe in our muses: David Hicks, Alexander Girard, Bonnie Cashin. Hans Coper, Gio Ponti, Andy Warhol, Leroy Neiman, Yves Saint Laurent, and Madonna.
We believe our designs are award winning even though they've never actually won any.

Excellent.

Heart Shaped Sunglasses On The Cheap

Run run run to your nearest H&M store And buy these cheap-o, cute-o heart sunglasses for £3.99 (although the picture doesn't ACTUALLY show the ones I've got as the H&M website isn't so hot).

I got them in optimistic spring mint green. H&M is on a ROLL at the moment, what with its practical yet rave-friendly star-spangled hooded tops, and cute tunic dresses scattered with hearts.

Now you too can look like Vladimir Nabakov's dream girl.

Painting By Numbers

Painting by numbers used to be the preserve of the very young, the very old and those in some kind of therapy. Kits came with boards marked out for the budding artist to daub on prescribed colours.

But the craft is now being rehabilitated courtesy of arty types. This month, the Corey Helford Gallery held a charity auction of painting by numbers artworks that had been messed around with by artists such as Glenn Barr and Liz McGrath after they'd completed the original picture. The results twisted the familiar bold blocks of the art into something altogether more strange and imaginative.


Meanwhile, Tate art gallery's shop is selling oh-so-tasteful PBN kits so you can boast you've created your own wall hangings. And they're on sale at the moment! They're a bit school of Argos Additions for me, but would be fun to have a bash at.

I think I'd rather go for this Louis Wain-esque painting by numbers and, with a few modifications, create a mad cat picture worthy of the walls of Bedlam itself.

Live in a Cartoon Courtesy of Fred Flare

I am considering emigrating to the USA purely so I can stalk the owners of marvellous internet emporium, Fred Flare

You could furnish your whole home and wardrobe from the NYC-based site, and basically live the Technicolor nu rave dream without having to neck those health-endangering pills.

From smiley-faced hoodies with grins that glow in the dark, to plates shaped like slices of pizza to balance your Hawaiian on, to brooches shaped like octopi wearing eyepatches, to cute tins, and Mario mushroom-shaped kitchen timers, oh hell, it’s like owners Chris and Keith have transplanted an Argos store to the Harjuku district in Tokyo .

First established in 1998, the store now sells lines from iHotto and Jack and Lulu to the bigger Paul Frank and Hello Kitty.

And it’s not too expensive. The oh-so-kind exchange rate wind is fully blowing behind us and the prices are less than high street anyway. So the set of pizza plates clocks in at $15 for four, the hoodie is $40, and the cute mushroom timer $12. Put on your sunglasses, and get out your credit card.

The Twisted World of Elizabeth McGrath

Elizabeth ‘Bloodbath’ McGrath is so talented, that were she any less charming, you’d puke. Not only does she play in the swampily groovy and heartmelting Miss Derringer , not only is she utterly stunning, but she’s one of the most talented, creative, witty, and snarky artists working in the USA right now. I would give my right ventricle to own one of her creepy, twisted pieces of genius. But for now I will make do with her book, Everything That Creeps

Some of her work is currently on display at the Mondo Bizzarro gallery in Rome

Souvenir Tat Charms

Like any good teenybopper, I love bag charms. At the moment, I'm rocking the 60s European Vacation look. Swinging souvenirs from the continent, and the UK in a big bunch hanging from my oversized bag. Yum.

Pick up cheapo keyrings from tourist tat shops, or supercheap on eBay . Or go higher budget with this stylised, 7" Gay Paris luggage tag from ModCloth for $11.99 (they deliver to the UK). Keep it tacky. And remember to wear a pair of HUGE sunglasses to top off the look.

Pink Panther Car on eBay

Oh Christ. The car used in the credits for the Pink Panther cartoon is up for sale on eBay . You know the one? Pulls up to the kerb, bam bam be da be bam on the drums, kid gets out. The nation’s children go green with envy?

Want. Need. Want.

I Hate Bono Dartboard

I despise the loathsome, Napoleon-complex-made-flesh, self-aggrandiser Bono, so I love this. It’s a piece of art, so probably way too expensive to actually have hanging in your garage, and you wouldn’t want to actually throw darts at something that pricey. It’s by Miles Donovan, and part of an exhibition at London’s the Dazed Gallery. Eighteen artists based in London were asked to design a dartboard with the thing they most hated on it for an exhibition curated by Garudio Studiage.

Kitchen Kitsch

I scavenge old cook books from charity shops and jumble sales. I love the gaudy recipe illustrations. And the old recipes that inevitably involve aspic and canned fruits. Taschen, the book company whose wares you can always find for cheap at remaindered book shops, have brought out a tribute to those publications, Kitchen Kitsch.

It's a lovely book. And not covered in flour and fat splatters, like most of my vintage finds... It's a little bit of a shame there aren't any actual recipes included, but the bold, more garish than Zsa Zsa Gabor graphics more than make up for that. I'm going to scan some of the pictures in to my computer and print them on cushion covers.

Stiff Records T Shirts

Stiff Records were the coolest label of the punk era. They released records by The Damned, Ian Dury and The Blockheads, and Madness. All bands I loved when I was a nipper. Although, obviously, I had no idea they were all on the same label.

I bought a Stiff Records t shirt the other day. It has the Stiff slogan, "If It Ain't Stiff, It Ain't Worth A F*ck" emblazoned across it. I love wearing it. It makes me feel like I'm on one of the legendary Stiff tours, where a load of spotty oiks climbed onto a bus (or even a train!) and rampaged in the nicest possible way around the country. It makes me feel punk rock, although the logo is almost 30 years old.

Everyone should have one.


They're £17 from here.

Black Vinyl, White Pod

Mixing old technology with new, these iPod cases are made from battered vinyl 7” singles, padded inside with felt to keep your digital music safe and sounding good. They cost $45.00 CAD and $15 shipping worldwide. From 45ipodcases.com

As they’re made from whatever singles the people at Canadian company Contexture Design can scavenge, if you see one you like, jump fast. I’ve got my eye on (what else but?) the Olivia Newton John and ELO’s version of Xanadu. Of which more anon…

Day of the Dead Elvis and Punk Rocker

More than anything else, I'd love to go to Mexico at the beginning of November, when they celebrate the Day of the Dead, or Día de los Muertos.

It's a festival where those still living celebrate the lives of those now in the afterlife. I couldn't give two hoots about the religious significance of it all, to be honest, I just like the tack that goes with the festival. Children eat brightly-coloured, sugary skulls, and the offerings of tequila for the long departed relatives are drunk after the ghostly relatives have had their invisible fill.

Day of the Dead altars are gaudy little vignettes, featuring mini representations of skeletons of relatives, still doing whatever they did in the earthly realm. So a taxi driver's grave would be decorated with a skeletal cabbie scene, and someone who works in McDonald's tomb would be temporarily topped with a burger flipping bone man.



Silver Crow Creations sell relatively cheap Day of the Dead models, necklaces, and vignettes, and deliver to the UK. I really like the Elvis and the punk rocker ones (above). They're a celebration of death, a light-hearted take on passing, rather than the sombre, heavy, always, always serious tributes of European culture.

I intend to get some to decorate my last-remaining patch of bare mantel with, and make 2007 the Year of the Dead.

The Cutest Caravans

Pod caravans are the cutest, most stylish way of spending a weekend in the country. These are the boutique hotels to regular caravan’s seedy b&bs.

A shade over 3m long, and 1.5m wide, they are compact enough to tow behind a racy two seater in my dream world. If Bertie Wooster went to festivals, this is what he’d sleep in.

The kitted-out versions come in whatever colour you care to pluck, I like the dandy candy hues. They are complete with a kitchen, awning, and table that folds into a snug double bed.

Ideal for luxury beach living, or a dinky weekendawaymobile. Of course, I want one. And a car to tow it as well. They’re pricy though, at £4,700.00 for the fully fitted version.