Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains

Ladies and Gentlemen… was a film made in 1981, featuring members of the Sex Pistols, The Clash, Ray Winstone and a 15-year-old Diane Lane.

Lane played the lead singer of proto riot grrrl group The Fabulous Stains (motto: “We don’t put out”) who rose to fame, in a stupendously meteoric week. And then fell from grace even faster.

Some shabby performances, shaky camera work and naïve plot are all outweighed by the zest, raw emotion and lust for life in the movie. I love it. Here’s a great scene, where the Stains, who by now have a growing army of fans who dress like them, play a shopping mall. A shopping mall!

The film has never appeared on DVD, or been shown on TV in the UK. What a crying shame.

The Turtles - Happy Together

Happy happy joy joy sunshine pop from the wonderful Turtles. How I wish I'd been a teenager in 1967, the best year for music.

I think I most love the trumpet player, with his beaming smile, hat/glasses arrangement, and extraordinary knitted jumper and tie combo.

Singalong.

Phil Spector - A Life In Haircuts

Jury selection is underway in the murder trial of legendary producer Phil Spector. To celebrate the trail, I thought I'd have a trawl through the eccentric knob-twiddler's finest coiffs...

The Hairy Helmet
A fresh faced Spector shares a joke with silky locked George Harrison. Insert weak Beatles pun here. "Possibly about Eleanor Wigby." There you go.


The Brillo
Um, yeah. Phil points a gun at a camera. Not that we're implying he has history or anything...
..

The Magnificent Aura
Because nothing says "I am a sane, respectable member of society" like an oversized, hairy giant globe on your head.


The Scary Tranny Uncle
Apart from perhaps coming to court looking like the man in your town that everyone knows likes to wear his wife's knickers under his Farah slacks. Yes, that'll do it, Phil, you're bound to get off now.

The Genius of Ronnie Barker

Ronnie Barker, of the Two Ronnies was an absolute hero of mine. I love a pun, me, and his effortless wordplay in his sketches and songs was a complete joy. Watch this sketch, Your Nuts, My Lord, and tell me otherwise...

Jarvis Cocker's Genius New Video

Someone should slap a preservation order on Jarvis Cocker. He can be funny, bleak, dramatic or whispery, but he always has something to say, and a clever way in which to say it. He's British like Mike Leigh or Victoria Wood, and has an unshakeable, non-superior cool that most pop stars couldn't even begin to imagine shouldering.

I can't wait to see what he has in mind for this year's Meltdown, the festival on the South Bank in London that he's programming. Until then, I'll content myself with watching the wittiest, most entertaining, why-didn't-I-think-of-that pop video I've seen in years. For his recent single, Don't Let Him Waste Your Time. Ladies and gentlemen...

Super Mario Brothers in Lego

I know this is turning into writing about old video games week, but hell, this is so cute.

Super Mario Brothers in Lego form. And the sound effects are hilarious.

Mario Bros. Lego
Uploaded by Bibi-de-Bibopof

The Wonderful World of Katamari Damacy

My favourite video game, Katamari Damacy, has the most extraordinary introductory sequence of all time.

All singing, all dancing, and utterly impenetrable. But it makes me happy and excited at the thought of the forthcoming rolling-up-the-world fun. It's like the title song from some wonderfully camp cartoon musical dreamed up by a team of Smartie-stuffed Japanese children. Here it is. Sing a long. And don't let the fact that it’s in Japanese stop you.

The Lemon Pipers!

It’s definitely spring in London today. I can smell the sun for the first time in what seems an endless, eternal, grey age. So I’m in the mood for some sunshine pop. Hell, I’m always in the mood for some sunshine pop.

Here are the Lemon Pipers singing their poptacular hit Green Tambourine on the Upbeat TV show in 1968.

I think they may be a little smoked up. As pot fans probably never say.

SingalongaFriday: America from West Side Story

My favourite musical is West Side Story. And 'America' sums up all that's great about the film. Fast, sassy, modern-looking dance routines. Swishy, bright, brash costumes. Lyrics so full of attitude, they sound like they were carved into a kerbside bench with a flick knife.

Rita Moreno and George Chakiris burn up the floor, the air crackles, and the whole routine fizzles and sparks with excitement and sex appeal. Far spunkier than the sappy Maria and Tony. I LOVE it. This is when musicals were dragged high kicking and rocking and rolling into the modern world, and the art form was all the better for it.

Watching this, I can't understand why anyone could say they hate musicals. Gah!

If you've got room, dancealonga too...

Fashion Icon: Wonder Woman

I’m having a Wonder Woman moment. From her jet black, glossy hair and clear, bright eyes, to the flesh tights and big tight pants so man made you can hear the thrush singing from a mile away, she is the embodiment of power, strength, and supersexiness.

Sadly, Buffy’s Joss Whedon is no longer writing the script or directing the upcoming feature film, but my hopes are still high that someone like Christina Ricci or Rose McGowan will lend some darkness to the role.

Meanwhile, why not get hold of some heroic merchandise, including shiny red boots, WW T shirts and those fabulous pants from Superherostuff.com





And to tide you over until the film comes out, here’s a compilation of some of Linda Carter as WW’s finest moments.

Scary Bottles Cartoon

When I was a nipper, some time just before one Christmas, I watched the cartoon Bottles. Made by MGM in 1936, it’s one of those creations that’s made for children, but is truly terrifying. The kind of thing that couldn’t be made today for fear of putting the fear into kids. Fear that kids actually enjoy. It gave me the same frisson of terror that I got from, say, reading The Dark Is Rising by Susan Cooper, or listening to Stanley Holloway monologues.

It’s about a bearded old pharmacist who gets shrunk to the size of a ruler, and is terrorised by the bottles in his store that have come to life. The wibbly wobbly 1930s style only adds to the oddness. It’s on YouTube. Watch and enjoy.

BBC4's Week of New York Punk Rock

BBC4 is a very exciting UK TV channel. It’s curiously old fashioned, screening documentaries that move slowly and are magnificently in depth. Or digging into the dusty corners of the BBC vaults for long forgotten music sessions. It’s like BBC2 used to be before it was infested with doing up your house or cooking a nice tea programmes. This week, it’s showing a series of documentaries about New York punk rock.

Tomorrow (Friday March 2) they have scheduled New York Doll, the documentary that follows the tragic story of the descent into alcoholism New York Doll member Arthur Kane, much of which was shot around the time of the band’s triumphant reformation.
New York Doll - BBC 4. 9.00pm - 10.15pm


On Saturday March 3, is a programme about the legendary punk hangout, and death place of Nancy Spungen The Chelsea Hotel.
Arena: Chelsea Hotel BBC 4. 10.25pm - 11.20pm

Followed by the story of Lou Reed’s Walk on the Wild Side. Although I think we all know that by now. Herbie Flowers will go ooooon about his bass line, AND there were backing vocals that had to be changed, AND there will be explanations of references to drag queens, AND Lou Reed will be grumpy and look like a supply teacher.
Arena: Tales of Rock 'n' Roll - a Walk on the Wild Side - BBC 4. 11.20pm - 12.05am



This looks good. But it’s only an hour. You know they’ll interview Debbie Harry.
Once Upon a Time in New York: the Birth of Hip Hop, Disco and Punk - BBC 4. 9.00pm - 10.00pm

As they will here, too. This is a great documentary, actually, with genuinely interesting and insightful interviews with members of a band who don’t just wash their dirty laundry in public, they run around with it until it’s dry. I LOVE the filthy looks Debbie Harry gives Clem Burke at the live shows. And the whole hoo ha over the Hall Of Fame debacle is hilarious. God bless Blondie.
Blondie: One Way or Another - BBC 4. 11.00pm - 12.15am

SingaLongaWonka

It's Friday. Turn your computer speakers up loud, and join in with Willyoke

One Legged Tap Dancer

Ladies and gentlemen, the marvellous Clayton 'Peg Leg' Bates

Wake Up With Dolly Parton

February is the worst month for absenteeism from work.

The Employment Law Advisory Services reckon that last Monday, 310,000 UK workers called in sick, costing British industry £27m. Spokesman Peter Mooney said "Poor weather, long dark nights and a general dissatisfaction with official holidays all mean that early February is a very popular time for workers to give themselves an extra 'duvet day'."

You know what I reckon? That THIS should be played on every radio station, beamed to every iPod, and blanket bomb programmed over every channel at 8 am every February morning. Britain! Let's get motivated! Go Dolly!



Dolly is playing London's Wembley Arena on March 19th. Anyone fancy coming to see her?

Mary Ellen Mark

Mary Ellen Mark is a fantastic photographer. A very serious photojournalist, who has taken pictures of drug addicts, and the homeless.

Somewhat superficially, I love her pictures of circuses from around the world. She manages to capture the despondency and pathos behind the glitter, smiles, and sequins. It's the old tears of a clown cliche, but it looks so, so good. Have a dig around her site and fall on your knees in admiration.

Buy her book here,
Exposure Photographs

It's Friday.. Time for XANADU

Hell, it's ALWAYS time for Xanadu. Take it away Olivia and ELO

Frankie Laine's Finest Moment

I'm so sad that legendary singer and the manliest sounding man of all time, Frankie Laine died this week. Just the sound of his voice made me think of cowboys, deserts, and galloping hooves.

His finest moment was, perhaps, singing the theme to Champion The Wonder Horse. It was like Lassie. Only with a horse.

Busby Berkeley

OK, perhaps Paul St Paul and his Apostles (see below) have encouraged some rampant campanoia, but I'm having a Busby Berkeley day.

He was the choreographer behind some of the most spectacular musicals of the first half of last century. Obviously, watching his beyond-spectacular dance routines on YouTube is like listening to someone covering a Stooges album on comb and paper, but it's a taster.

Go and buy one of the criminally small selection of Busby DVDs released, such as The Great Ziegfeld, or try and catch a screening somewhere like the NFT.

Enjoy (but skip past the dude singing at the start) From The Ziegfeld Story


And no, he wasn't on drugs when he made this.. The Polka Dot Polka from The Gang's All Here

Start Getting Excited About Grindhouse NOW!

Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's new film, Grindhouse (or Grind House - I've seen it spelled both ways) is going to be ace. It's split into two segments. Tarantino’s half is called Death Proof, a slasher film that stars Kurt Russell as a psychotic stuntman.

Rodriguez tackles Planet Terror, a zombie film that features Rose McGowan as a stripper with one lig. McGowan explains, "Eventually she's called up to save the universe," says McGowan of Cherry, "So she gets a machine gun leg." A machine gun leg. How can a film featuring a stripper with a machine gun leg fail to be one of the best movies of all time?

Running between the two halves will be a series of spoof adverts for fake exploitation pictures, directed again by Tarantino, Rodriguez, Rob Zombie (House of 1000 Corpses), Eli Roth (Hostel) and the UK’s fantastic Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead).

The ideal place to watch this is a provincial flea pit cinema, and with a release date of late spring, you’ve just about got time to find a perfect setting. And to brush up on your grind house cinema knowledge with this book Sleazoid Express: A Mind-twisting Tour Through the Grindhouse Cinema of Times Square


Here's the trailer