Retro Cool Calculator

So I was musing. Just as it's always darkest before the dawn, so it's always coolest before you were born. I've been trying to come up with a formula. The best and most accurate I can come up with is UC = DOB - 3. Where UC equals ultimate cool, DOB is your date of birth, and 3 is 3.

So, deduct five years from the date of your birth and you'll come up with the year which you'll regard as the most hip of all time. This explains why hip beatniks in the late fifties were digging trad jazz, why the Stone Roses generation worshipped The Byrds, why Blur loved The Kinks, why the Gang of Four have been venerated for the last four years, and why kids now are wishing they lived in the days when a smiley face and a glow stick could keep a raver happy all night (well, that and ten pills).

Of course, it doesn't explain why Nirvana worshipped Black Sabbath or Vincent Vincent and the Villains are obsessed with the 1950s, but give me time to refine this.

With my magic formula, not only will you be able to calculate what kids will be into next, but also, if you have friends who are having children, or you are considering it, you'll know what treats to buy and lay away in a box marked NOT TO BE OPENED UNTIL YOUR 21st BIRTHDAY for the nipper.

Or even when to start putting your valuable junk from years gone by on eBay.

I accept donations. Thank you.