The Stingler

Hacking, customising, patronising...

2007-11-02T19:28:00.000Z

Why is it that when a man tinkers with something, he's hacking, but if a lady does it, she's customising?

And actually, both of them are just mucking about with whatever it is.

How to make strawberries even better

2007-07-10T12:55:00.000Z

Nigel Slater is my favourite food writer. His books are both a joy to read and pave the way to delicious, easy, uncomplicated food. He writes weekly for The Guardian. And his strawberry recipe that appeared two weeks ago was so good I feel obliged to share. It's dead easy and super delicious. There are loads of cheap local strawberries about right now. Buy them up.

You need
Strawberries
An orange
A lemon
Fresh mint
Granulated sugar

Cut the strawberries in half and put them in a bowl. Squeeze the orange and lemon. Pour the juice over the strawberries. Add some granulated sugar and the fresh, chopped mint. Leave to marinade in the fridge for a couple of hours. Eat. Die with pleasure.

Hey, you been working out, dawg?

2007-07-10T12:49:00.000Z

I love skinny whippets, lurchers and greyhounds. But I think I love Big Wendy the dog with a six pack even more.

Peach and Mint Blast

2007-06-29T15:00:00.000Z

Oh man. I'm addicted to EAT's Peach and Mint blasts. Really. You need to try one. They're pricey at £2.90 for a big one. But I know that if the sun actually emerges this year I'm going to be craving them day and night. Real mint. Real peach. Frozen. Gulp. Slaked.

Monkees Kool Aid Commercial

2007-06-28T12:55:00.000Z

I don't know if there's a German word for it, but I'm experiencing another pang of nostalgia for something I didn't actually experience. After watching this Monkees advertisement for Kool Aid I just want to go to a 'den' in my 'mom and pop's' basement and guzzle sticky cool cordial.

Even though when I hear the words 'Kool Aid' it just makes me think of Jim Jones ladling out poison laced juice to his followers at Jonestown. And killing almost a thousand people

Parma violets

2007-06-25T16:24:00.000Z

Ohh. I've got a hankering for the pot pourri taste of Parma Violets. If you're popping down the shop, will you get me a packet? Thanks!

Destino - Dali and Disney collide

2007-06-22T14:30:00.000Z

In 1945 mouse man Walt Disney and surreal artist Salvador Dali started work on a film, Destino. The project was aborted due to financial difficulties. But when Walt's son, Roy was reworking one another of Disney's more adventurous outings, Fantasia, he unearthed some of the Destino footage, and decided to rekindle the project.

Released in 2003, the six minute film is now playing at London's Tate Modern. Disney films may now have a saccharine-sickly reputation, but this is a peek back into a world where it was still thought perfectly possible that commercial animation and high art could successfully combine.

How I wish that Disney still had some of the same dark sensibilities that threatened to emerge back then. For now, I'll watch this on YouTube, and skip to the scary bits in Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Fantasia.

I think I'd like a mural on my wall

2007-06-21T15:03:00.000Z

Yes, I do believe I would. It would add glamour to my day to day living, as well as covering up that nasty patch of damp in the back room.

I just can't decide whether to go for the dreamy fairytale castle.....

Or the tiki-tastic sunset on a desert island.

Decisions... Buy yours here anyway...

Steely-stared chipmunk

2007-06-21T12:00:00.000Z

This super short video of a chipmunk fixing the watcher with an evil glare makes me laugh. Perhaps it will cheer you, too.

Vintage car-inspired handbags

2007-06-20T12:51:00.000Z

I don't get the whole designer handbag thing. I'm just not the kind of girl who lusts after £2000 receptacles. But in the case of these va-va-voom totes I'll make a massive exception. Although actually, they don't even cost even half as much as your typical Dior monstrosity.

Designed "in honour of classic cars and the ladies that drive them" these bags are like those 1950s gas guzzlers - shiny, over the top, revved up and firing on all cylinders. The kind of bag that will repay its cost in drinks bought for you in expensive tiki bars. They're expensive (between $150 and $350) but, my oh my, every penny shows.

And there are shoes to match...

You'll find them in the VIP lounge at Revamp Productions.

Mr Frosty

2007-06-19T11:46:00.000Z

I'm pretending that the weather isn't in a big wet and cold grump and making like it's summer hot. I realised today that those 'Mango Blast' crushed ice drinks from places like Starbucks are just overpriced versions of Mr Frosty's fabulous beverages.

If you don't remember, Frosty was the toy of choice during long hot childhood summers. You'd load him up with ice cubes, turn a handle, squirt some juice from his pal Percy Penguin onto the slush, and away you'd go.
http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
I've looked for a Mr Frosty, but he seems to have been given a disastrous down-with-the-kids makeover. He looks terribly smug. And that's not a quality you want in your drink dispenser.

So I'll be getting this Peanuts version from Fred Flare instead.

The Everlasting Genius of The Who

2007-06-15T10:11:00.000Z

I was going to go and see The Who play this weekend. But now I'm not. Nor am I going to Glastonbury, where they're headlining. The Who are the kind of band you can come back to again again and always find something new and fresh and vital. I love their 70s rock opera pomp as much as their 60s young man's blues rock n roll sparkiness.

Here are some ace face Who videos I found on YouTube to console myself at missing their current crop of UK shows. Singalong now.

They're on sensational here. Old enough to be on top of their game, but still with fire in their bellies. I can never decide who my favourite member is. In order at the moment it has to go Townshend, Moon, Entwhistle, Daltrey. It'll change next week.

And here they are looking young and beautiful.

The first clip is from Tommy, which you should buy, and the second from the wor'ds greatest rock n roll documentary, The Kids Are Alright.

Mitch O'Connell Tattoos book

2007-06-12T13:02:00.000Z

Lucky me. A spanking new copy of Mitch O'Connell's book of tattoo art just landed on my desk. Over 250 low brow, high colour pieces of flash art ready to rock on to your arm, back, or bum.

Mitch's hyper colourful style suits tattoo art so well. It's the kind of ink that you see on the coolest girl on the door at a seedy garage punk club. Tattoos that are super cool but have a spanking sense of humour.

I'm not sure that personally I would ask for the pink elephant wearing a hat with a flower and the motto "Don't forget to get drunk". But one of Mitch's tiki ladies or an angel toting a gun might look good tucked behind one of my other tattoos. Hmmm.

Spoilers alert!

2007-06-08T14:12:00.000Z

My dear friend Sarra sent me this t shirt (close up of design right). She says "this t-shirt design at threadless.com rules! Spoil all your friends with it!" Buy it at ace online shop, Threadless...

And she's right. Luckily, I think I've seen all the films ruined by it. I'm thinking of getting my own version printed up with "the policeman did it" and strolling past the queue of tourists outside long-running West End pensioners' show, The Mousetrap daily.

You should own a Monks album

2007-06-06T14:41:00.000Z

You should go and buy Black Monk Time by The Monks.

Formed in 1964 by a bunch of American GIs stationed in Germany, The Monks were the paranoid, dark, existential progenitors of punk.

While the Beatles were singing “She Loves You”, The Monks sang “I Hate You”. Their songs were pounding, drum-driven, with unconventional structures, cynical lyrics, scratchy banjo, and howling and scowling vocals.

Bass player Eddie Shaw described the day they discovered feedback, crucial to their sound, "Just imagine the sound of the Titanic scraping along an iceberg," he said. "It was like discovering fire."

The band wore nooses around their necks, and shaved their heads into monk-like tonsures. They sang about Vietnam “People go to their deaths for you,” and resentment, “You know why I hate you baby? It's because you make me hate you baby.” Their debut and only album, Black Monk Time was released in 1966 to a wall of indifference. They split up in 1967, shortly before a planned tour of Vietnam.
Since their split, however, they have become the cult band’s cult band of choice. ‘Complication’ appeared on seminal garage punk compilation, Nuggets. Jello Biafra, The Beastie Boys, Jon Spencer and The Fall have all acknowledged their debt to the band. Jack White said of them, “Their melodies were pop destructive and must be played to your younger brother.”.

The Fall have covered various Monk songs, one for the forthcoming Monks tribute album, Silver Monk Time, which also includes contributions from hot now bands the Gossip, Mouse On Mars, The 5.6.7.8s and Chicks on Speed.

The band reformed in 1999, to play the Cavestomp festival in http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifNew York. Roger, their drummer, died in 2004, but the band continue to play shows in Europe and the USA, with the same intensity and passion that fuelled them in the 1960s.

I'm in all girl Monks tribute band, The Nuns. Do come and see us play some time.

And here are the far out friars on German TV in 1966

Lovely Lady Air Stewardesses

2007-05-31T09:51:00.000Z

Elisa Stein has compiled a wonderful book that features air hostesses from days gone by. Days when the women (and it was predominantly young, good looking women) in charge of high flyers were capable, glamorous, and wore fabulous uniforms.

I'd feel far safer flying with these ladies to attend my every whim than the gormless glasseyes in orange that EasyJet employs.

Buy it here

The Horrors - She Is The New Thing

2007-05-30T16:18:00.000Z

I love the new video from The Horrors, for their new single, She Is The New Thing. It's a Gerald Scarfe/Edward Gorey collision. They have plenty of naysayers, but I love The Horrors' mucky soup of high gothic posturing and garage punk grit.

They antagonise people, as all good bands do, from The Monks to The Jesus and Mary Chain and The Manic Street Preachers. And also, as those bands did, wear black shirts, and very tight trousers and winklepickers.

Buy top Horrors music here

The Thursford Collection, Norfolk

2007-05-29T12:47:00.000Z

I've been on holiday in rainy Norfolk for the last few days. Camping. My tent blew away, but it was still amazingly good fun.

During my trip, as the leaden skies wept uncontrollably onto my already dripping jeans, I took a jaunt to the living anachronism that is the Thursford Collection, a brilliantly mad museum in the middle of nowhere.

For a mere £6 (students £5.25) you can stroll around an array of steam engines, fairground rides, and street organs (the bizarre, oversized, highly decorated precursors to jukeboxes that you'll find in town precincts and at 'fun days' across the country).

Best of all, the collection is home to an enormous white Wurlitzer organ, the fourth largest in Europe, which was formerly installed in the Paramount Cinema in Leeds. Thrice daily, it's played by pipe maestro, and Bob Downe lookalike, Robert Wolfe. We stayed for two performances, which included such glories as the Dambusters March (which accompanied footage of the bombers) and I Do Like To Be Beside the Seaside.

Robert is a grinning, showboating genius, and the moment when the organ sunk back down into its pit, only to stop abruptly halfway down, due to the short height of the stage was one of the best things I have ever seen.

Girls and Corpses website makes it into print

2007-05-23T16:39:00.000Z

At a time when too many magazines are closing down, it's cheering to hear that one of my favourite web sites, Girls and Corpses has made it into paper-based form.

Creepy Baby Lamp

2007-05-22T14:42:00.000Z

How can a LAMP be sinister? If it's shaped like a creepy baby.

I can imagine a Miss Haversham type sitting in her lonely ballroom, surrounded by an army of these.

Buy yours for $99 from here

Mind Bending Chuckle Brothers Thing

2007-05-22T13:34:00.000Z

OK. Scrub Fabio being hit in the face by a goose as the best thing of all time. I've just found a better one. This magnificent Chuckle Brothers illusion thing.

Fabio + Goose - Dignity = Best Picture of All Time.

2007-05-21T12:05:00.000Z

Fabio is a male model, who has appeared on countless American romantic novels. He has long flowing hair like a lion's mane, and rippling muscles (often oiled). I have a bit of an obsession with him, which crystallised when this picture was taken.

Fabio had been invited to ride the inaugural trip of the Apollo's Chariot rollercoaster at Busch Parks in March 1999. He was accompanied by a phalanx of toga wearing girls. Sadly, a stray goose flew across the path of the speeding ride, hitting the musclebound model square in the face.

He returned to the alighting point of the ride with a gore-splattered face, and a broken nose. And at that point, this picture was taken. I like the way that one of the girls is pointing and laughing at him, and his attempts to brazenly pretend that the incident hasn't happened.

A great picture. I may print it on to a flag and raise it above my roof every morning.

Sad Ghost Salt and Pepper Shakers

2007-05-15T12:42:00.000Z

Awwww. Look at these poor sad little ghost pepper and salt shakers. Don't cry, spooks, don't cry. You shouldn't be sad because you're for sale at the lovely CerealArt site, which sells limited (large) runs of pieces by well-known artists.

This cruet is by Marcel Dzama from Canada and sells for $75. This bunny cookie jar was designed by Momoyo Torimitsu, and costs $150. The prices are steep, but this is collectable art, remember. Cute!

Eurovision: Sweden Were Robbed

2007-05-14T13:38:00.000Z

I'm still crying hot tears of frustration at the fact that Sweden didn't win Eurovision. Their band was called The Ark, and they were like a cuter, more glam rock Darkness. Only better than that sounds.

It's the kind of joyous song that should ring out across Europe daily.

So sad. Although it's very similar to Edison Lighthouse's My Love Grows isn't it?

Aliens and Beta Band

2007-05-11T14:07:00.000Z

I've been listening to The Aliens a lot.

They're great. People seem to bang on about how they are hippy trippy psychedelic types, but I hear more of The Who's sense of fun mixed with er, The Who's big rock epicness, sense of adventure and big scale boundary pushing.

Get their CD here

Some of The Aliens used to be in The Beta Band. And I'll take any excuse to watch the fabulous, creative video for their single, Assessment, again... Wow. I think the 'creatives' at Guinness may owe them a pint or two...

Daphne and Celeste were amazing

2007-05-10T16:34:00.000Z

How brilliant were late 90s pop duo Daphne and Celeste? This brilliant…

Despite being two squeaky voiced New York 'teenagers' they had big balls. Seeing them play the Reading Festival was like watching two bunnies being sent in front of a firing squad. Only the firing squad didn't have bullets, they had bottles full of wee. I wanted to bum rush the show of the two spunky girls on stage and stand shoulder to shoulder with them, facing the barrage from twenty thousand Rage Against The Machine-loving dullards with no sense of humour or fun.

Karen DiConcetto (Daphne) is now a ‘serious’ actress and has appeared in a play called Tourrettaville, written by a boy with Tourette's syndrome as well as The House is Burning, a Wim Wenders-produced film. Celeste Cruz has also appeared in a film, Brooklyn Bound.

Here is an ace, old fashioned fan website that looks like it was built in, like, 1997.

And you can Buy Daphne and Celeste CDs here

Youth cult photographs at PYMCA

2007-05-09T12:29:00.000Z

I love trawling through picture agency sites. I think PYMCA might be one of my favourites. They have pictures of what used to be called 'young people' from the 1960s onwards.

Mods, rockers, punks, skins, ravers, rockers and new wavers all stand surly or grinning from beautifully shot pictures. The pictures are evocative of eras long gone, and the hope that shines from the faces of the kids in the photos is poignant beyond belief.

You can buy some images as prints - prices aren't so bad really - between £75 for a 40-50cm print to £300 for a 20'x30' stretch canvas. The shots I've posted here are all available. I love the Peter Cook picture, he's a youth cult in one person. The dressed up teens against the wall are lovely, and the girls doing the 'Madness' walk just make me want to smile with happiness.

Heidi Seeker's nu rave wonderment

2007-05-08T13:17:00.000Z

I can't keep my mouse from twitching towards this amazing online shop. Heidi Seeker is stuffed with the kind of colourful, geeky, fun fun fun clothes and accessories I love.

Love these sunglasses - they range from £4 - £8.

And this top looks cosy, and suitably geeky for me. I love a geeky hoodie, me.

Cassette-themed accessories might be a MySpace cliche, but I love this personalised over-sized necklace.

Nu ravers will be taken into infinity* here. It's cheap, very cheerful, and based in the UK. You'll love the cartoony design of the site, too. You can't go wrong...

*Hilarious Oceanic-inspired rave joke for old people there.

Hairspray Is Coming

2007-05-04T14:26:00.000Z

Yes, the remake of Hairspray will be released in a month or two. I truly, deeply, hope it has the wit, inventiveness, and big big heart of the original.

Here's a fan-made YouTube tribute to the John Waters version (I love YouTube fan tributes!)

And here's a trailer for the new version.

2007-05-03T10:54:00.000Z

I'm very excited, for today I managed to score tickets to a show by acid-fried psyche God, Roky Erickson, in June at the South Bank Centre. He used to be in the The Spades, and the 13th Floor Elevators , the 1960s trippy, electric jug-using group from Texas.

Roky has the best rock n roll scream of all time. I hope it hasn't been too badly eroded over the years. I learned everything I know about screeching by copying his agonised wail on the amphetamine-fuelled hurtle of You're Gonna Miss Me.

He vanished for years into a murky world of bad acid, mental institutions and shock treatments in Austin, Texas. When I visited that town, people who lived there told me that he'd sometimes peek his head over the parapet, and play a shambolic show. They also told me that his mother was even stranger than he was.

There's a film, You're Gonna Miss Me, coming out soon, which documents Roky's life.

He's playing as part of Jarvis Cocker's Meltdown festival on the South Bank. Jarvis has excellent taste - I could happily go to everything he has scheduled. Sadly, I can only afford Roky and the mysterious Disney Songbook evening, where various stars of the rock and the pop world will be singing their versions of Disney favourites.

Here's an amazing clip of a fresh faced Roky performing You're Gonna Miss Me by a swimming pool full of hot sixties chicks. It makes me a little sad to see him so young and full of life and blissfully unaware of the tumult to come. Listen for that scream.

You should really buy a 13th Floor Elevators CD, you know.

More Meat

2007-05-02T16:05:00.000Z

Further to yesterday’s fleshy bags, I’ve been browsing the meat
department at the world’s greatest online shop, Archie McPhee.

They have bacon everything. Bacon toothpicks, bacon fridge magnets, bacon plasters, air fresheners.

I really like the Make Poverty History-style wristbands (emblazoned with ‘carnivore’ and ‘bacon’) and the ‘What Would Bacon Do?’ dilemma-solving wheel (one of its answers is “taste really good”.

I’ll try and find something less fleshy tomorrow. Promise

Meat and Cheese Handbags

2007-05-01T13:26:00.000Z

Mmmmm. Sadly, these hugely desirable flesh briefcases and dairy purses* aren't real, and just part of an advertisement campaign. I would buy the range if they were in the shop. And have every hound in the neighbourhood on my tail.

You can still, however, buy this wonderful Paul Frank and Mark Ryden designed meat-lite handbag. But it's not quite as good as that mince clutch**, is it? And it is $100 plus postage...

*Is it just me, or do these sound like euphemisms for a woman's... bits...?

**And this?

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains

2007-04-27T15:56:00.000Z

Ladies and Gentlemen… was a film made in 1981, featuring members of the Sex Pistols, The Clash, Ray Winstone and a 15-year-old Diane Lane.

Lane played the lead singer of proto riot grrrl group The Fabulous Stains (motto: “We don’t put out”) who rose to fame, in a stupendously meteoric week. And then fell from grace even faster.

Some shabby performances, shaky camera work and naïve plot are all outweighed by the zest, raw emotion and lust for life in the movie. I love it. Here’s a great scene, where the Stains, who by now have a growing army of fans who dress like them, play a shopping mall. A shopping mall!

The film has never appeared on DVD, or been shown on TV in the UK. What a crying shame.

Save The Spitz

2007-04-25T11:55:00.000Z

The Spitz, in Spitalfields market, London, is being threatened with closure. It's a great, small scale music venue that puts on great bands, exhibitions, and events. It's a lovely place.

Shows there tend to have more atmosphere than at corporate, only-here-to-sell-you-beer venues who shoo you out the door at 10.30 to make way for their money-spinning disco.

The last band I saw there was Heavy Trash, Jon Spencer's new group, who shook, rattled and rolled the sweaty little room until it groaned in pleasure.

Even if you haven't been there, it would be great if you could sign the petition. Small, passionate, independent venues like this around the world are being closed as the Starbucks and Tescos move in. Let's stand together and try and stem the tide.

SAVE THE SPITZ!

The Spitz has been given six months notice to quit our present site in Old Spitalfields Market by our landlord Ballymore Properties. In a worse case scenario this will mean that The Spitz will cease to exist at the end of September this year.

The campaign to Save The Spitz starts now and we need your support. Please go to www.spitz.co.uk and sign our online petition and/or make a domination to The Save Spitz appeal.

If you would like to get directly involved in the campaign please email rupert@spitz.co.uk

Another important way to support The Spitz is to use it as much as possible so please don’t forget The Spitz also has a fantastic restaurant and if you bring along a print out of this email we’ll give you 10% off lunch between 12 & 2 pm. Also, all areas of The Spitz are available for hire including the gallery, terrace and restaurant. All ideal spaces for parties, launch nights, talks, etc. We have an excellent programme of live music in the venue including the current Spitz Festival of Blues and the forthcoming Spitz Festival of Country in August and Spitz Festival of Folk in September. The Spitz Gallery also has a very strong programme including the forthcoming Chernobyl exhibition by Magnum photographer Paul Fusco called” Twenty One Years of Fall Out.

Please show your support for The Spitz by voting with your feet.

SAVE THE SPITZ!

Quotes

"I am outraged to hear that The Spitz is in danger of closing. In these days of bland, wholesale corporate homogenisation we need truly independent music venues like The Spitz more than ever. If the Spitz closes it will be an absolute disgrace and a sure sign that London is on the way to becoming a glorified shopping mall with a series of unnecessary restaurants and shops that only recognises the power of the City bonus and not the creative force that gave areas like Spitalfields its identity in the first place."

Beth Orton, musician, who has played at The Spitz four times.

“MOJO magazine is distraught at the thought of the Spitz closing its doors for good and all. It has served a world of vibrant, genuinely alternative music virtually single-handed. ”

Danny Eccleston, Consultant Editor, Mojo Magazine

''London is known around the world for its arts and entertainment, which
is the reason why so many people come here. It has a strong reputation
for a cutting edge and innovative music scene, which is nurtured by
having a range of live venues where music can flourish The Spitz is a unique venue which has enhanced the London music scene since it opened. If a classical music venue were under threat, the establishment would rightly be up in arms.

Ken Livingstone, Mayor of London.

"It is outrageous that The Spitz is under threat of closure and I wholeheartedly give my support to the campaign to Save The Spitz. In the last ten years London's cultural and creative axis has shifted from the West to the East and The Spitz is at the heart of this change. I have been to many ground breaking shows at The Spitz that I would never see at a more mainstream venue. The Spitz gives Spitalfields and East London it's creative identity and if it closes this will be lost"

Giles Deacon, UK’s leading fashion designer who is based in East London.

Gay Dog Alert

2007-04-25T11:41:00.000Z

My brother sent me this fantastic picture of this pooch in a biker costume. This picture makes me laugh and laugh (LOL!!!, ROFL!!!! etc.)

I think it's all in the expression.

Woof! Jazz paws!

Buy the outfit here.

My groovy new car

2007-04-24T13:28:00.000Z

Yes, I am now a car owner for the very first time - my old broken down camper van doesn't count.

I now own a Volvo 480, made in 1995. Like the one in the picture above. It's a funny car. Volvos have a reputation for being solid tanks that country dads buy. But this is Volvo's take on the Flash Harry sports car. I think it might have been primarily aimed at midlife crisis men, who still had to kowtow to their wife's demands for practicality.

It has flip up lights. An 'onboard computer' (a series of fuel gauges and thermometers, not a KIT-style talking everythingsystem). Seats that adjust every which way but loose. People look twice at you as you pass. It was dirt cheap, and I love it.

And, unlike my camper van, it actually gets you up hills and to your destination. Yay.

Lily Allen's shoes on sale soon

2007-04-23T17:11:00.000Z

Lily Allen has 'designed' a range of clothes for one of my favourite cheapy high street shops, New Look (or Neu Look, as I like to call them - their logo suggests a more teutonic moniker). Some of her collection appeared in the Sunday Times at the weekend.

I like gobby Lily a lot. Her songs bounce, and her opinions make me laugh. She's not boring. I like her New Look collection too. It's not boring either.

Not for her the safe taupe middle aged blandness of Madonna's H&M clothes, or the gaudy low rent trash of every Julien MacDonald collaboration. Lily's clothes are fun and funny, quirky and cute. Frilly green ballgowns and cute peep toe suede heels.

I like this pair of trainers. They're only going to be £12. They sort of remind me of the old Kleenex box pattern. I'd wear them with a pair of black skinny jeans and a smile. Sorry, thought I'd be able to resist that...

The Turtles - Happy Together

2007-04-20T17:10:00.000Z

Happy happy joy joy sunshine pop from the wonderful Turtles. How I wish I'd been a teenager in 1967, the best year for music.

I think I most love the trumpet player, with his beaming smile, hat/glasses arrangement, and extraordinary knitted jumper and tie combo.

Singalong.

Shiny Shiny Plastic Shoes

2007-04-19T12:24:00.000Z

I am always at a loss when it comes to summer shoes. I like to wear socks, they make me feel secure and able to kick arse at a moment's notice, but do sometimes envy my bare footed and fancy free sisters.

I think I might eschew the hosiery, however, if I bought a pair of these supercute and shiny plastic shoes from Topshop. They're the kind of shoes that turn the dullest of trudges into a sparkly hop. Shiny shiny like little dolly's shoes.

They're only £10. That's a tenner in old money. They come in this peacock blue as well as sunshine yellow and basic black and white.

As they're made entirely of plastic your toes might get a bit stinky, so don't come running to me if you get trenchfoot.

Phil Spector - A Life In Haircuts

2007-04-18T14:50:00.000Z

Jury selection is underway in the murder trial of legendary producer Phil Spector. To celebrate the trail, I thought I'd have a trawl through the eccentric knob-twiddler's finest coiffs...

The Hairy Helmet
A fresh faced Spector shares a joke with silky locked George Harrison. Insert weak Beatles pun here. "Possibly about Eleanor Wigby." There you go.

The Brillo
Um, yeah. Phil points a gun at a camera. Not that we're implying he has history or anything...
..

The Magnificent Aura
Because nothing says "I am a sane, respectable member of society" like an oversized, hairy giant globe on your head.

The Scary Tranny Uncle
Apart from perhaps coming to court looking like the man in your town that everyone knows likes to wear his wife's knickers under his Farah slacks. Yes, that'll do it, Phil, you're bound to get off now.

The best hats money can buy

2007-04-17T12:40:00.000Z

I love a good hat, me. Can't get enough head gear. Here are my top ten hats, ranging from sassy to smart, and where you can buy them.

1. The Sailor - On the town? Shore leave? Nothing says "Two cheap whores and a cheeky wink" like the doughboy.

2. The New York Police Officer - officious yet camp. Accessorise with aviator shades and a stern look.

3. The tiny top hat - For those days when you feel like drag kinging it up, but not TOO much...

4. The Puritan - Perfect after a prolonged period of over-indulgence. Wear with your best silk stockings and buckled shoes.

5. The Viking - Raping? Pillaging? They'd be no fun if you weren't wearing this horned helmet...

6. The Greek - Noble, yet providing an anonymity that enables the wearer to perform despicable acts of brutality. Perfect for shopping and/or picnicking.

7. The Beret - Cheap, warm, and somehow meek. Covers up the grimmest of hair days. If someone shouts "Frank Spencer" at you, growl in French at them and throw an onion at their head.

8. The Tricorn - With a corner each for the father, the son, and the holy ghost, a tricorn hat will lend an instant air of godliness and town cryer authority. Oh, and indeed, Yez.

9. The Clone - I really like wearing hats designed for gay men. I hope you do too. It cheers me.

10. The Dunce - Yes, because I am one. But also because the idea of publicly shaming slow kids in front of their peers is both astounding and hilarious. If I had kids, I'd wear one of these to a parents' evening.

Back soon

2007-04-13T08:46:00.000Z

I have been on my holidays, and I am now addicted to pink Honey Rose Ambrosia liqueur. Literally the drink of the gods. It tastes like a cross between cough medicine and old ladies hands, and it's delicious. Although a whole bottle would make me ill.

I'm doing secret busy stuff for the next few days. Normal service will be resumed next week.

The Genius of Ronnie Barker

2007-04-03T09:57:00.000Z

Ronnie Barker, of the Two Ronnies was an absolute hero of mine. I love a pun, me, and his effortless wordplay in his sketches and songs was a complete joy. Watch this sketch, Your Nuts, My Lord, and tell me otherwise...

Jarvis Cocker's Genius New Video

2007-04-02T22:38:00.000Z

Someone should slap a preservation order on Jarvis Cocker. He can be funny, bleak, dramatic or whispery, but he always has something to say, and a clever way in which to say it. He's British like Mike Leigh or Victoria Wood, and has an unshakeable, non-superior cool that most pop stars couldn't even begin to imagine shouldering.

I can't wait to see what he has in mind for this year's Meltdown, the festival on the South Bank in London that he's programming. Until then, I'll content myself with watching the wittiest, most entertaining, why-didn't-I-think-of-that pop video I've seen in years. For his recent single, Don't Let Him Waste Your Time. Ladies and gentlemen...

The Queen In The Rain

2007-04-01T11:36:00.000Z

This picture makes me laugh, but also makes me feel a little sad too. It was taken a couple of days ago, when the Queen opened the new British Tennis Centre.

I have absolutely no love for the royal family, and think the institution is hackneyed and outdated, but this picture of the poor old HRH, sheltering stoically on her own makes me a little teary.

Maybe it's the way her lovely see-through 1970s umbrella perfectly matches the royal blue dress. Or maybe just her grim, set face, buffeted from years of terminally dull engagements. Or the resignation of a woman knowing how ridiculous this must look to onlookers and photographers.

I'd buy this if it was a poster.

Wim Delvoye

2007-03-29T16:48:00.001Z

“I like to stick my middle finger up at the establishment. I am a trouble maker.” says Belgian artist .

Delvoye’s art is arch and knowing. But, http://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifmost importantly it makes people laugh as well as think. He’s tattooed pigs with classic biker designs. His ‘shit machine’ is a giant, room-sized robot that replicates the human digestive process.

He’s made elaborate parquet floors featuring a range of delicatessen meats. He’s carved enormous cement mixers from teak, and created stained glass windows, which on close inspection are made up of X-Rays of people having sex.

It’s funny. It’s cartoony. Kids like it as much as their parents. It’s as all-encompassing as fine art gets. As Wim says, “In Belgium we’re not pretentious enough to think we can change the world.”

Wim’s work is often darkly funny. He created a collection called “Gothic Works” which consisted of nine stained glass windows, which on closer inspection were made up of X rays of people giving blowjobs, kissing, and having sex. Sex rays. Wim’s friends posed for the pictures. He laughs, “They are anonymous, but if you were a really good dentist you could probably confirm who they are.”

Super Mario Brothers in Lego

2007-03-27T14:50:00.000Z

I know this is turning into writing about old video games week, but hell, this is so cute.

Super Mario Brothers in Lego form. And the sound effects are hilarious.

Mario Bros. Lego
Uploaded by Bibi-de-Bibopof

Zelda meets Led Zeppelin T Shirt

2007-03-26T13:00:00.000Z

I've been playing Zelda over the weekend. I wish I'd had this Led Zeppelin-style t shirt to wear while I'm sling shotting and throwing pigs around. It's only $22 from Hot Topic.

The Wonderful World of Katamari Damacy

2007-03-23T17:57:00.000Z

My favourite video game, Katamari Damacy, has the most extraordinary introductory sequence of all time.

All singing, all dancing, and utterly impenetrable. But it makes me happy and excited at the thought of the forthcoming rolling-up-the-world fun. It's like the title song from some wonderfully camp cartoon musical dreamed up by a team of Smartie-stuffed Japanese children. Here it is. Sing a long. And don't let the fact that it’s in Japanese stop you.

New Benefit BadGal Mascara. Lashless Girls Everywhere Rejoice.

2007-03-22T13:02:00.000Z

I'm a big fan of the retro stylings and luscious indulgence of Benefit Cosmetics. and their BadGal mascara is fit for the toughest gang girl. So the news that they're bringing out an eye-enhancing navy blue version (they claim it will appear to intensify your eye colour) makes me very very happy.

Now, if only they could carry the whole range in every branch of Boots...

Evocative pictures of British greasy spoon cafes

2007-03-21T13:58:00.000Z

I love to browse flickr. Today I searched on greasyspoon and turned up this lovely set of pictures.

Fair makes my mouth water in anticipation of salty eggies.

Joequbik took the one I've pasted above. He's good.

Free Designer T Shirt Downloads

2007-03-19T13:40:00.000Z

Fashion rulebreaker Nick Knight's Showstudio is an exciting, creative and somewhat confusing place. There is some tremendously interesting work on it, but you'll have to dig deep through inpenetrable twaddle and odd layout. Lucky for you I did that today, and unearthed these gems.

Judy Blame, Julie Verhoeven (her design pictured) and Peter Saville have all contributed designs that you can download in PDF format, print on t shirt transfers and sport with pride. Go here, make, do, wear.

And you don't have to put it on a t shirt. Tote bags, coats, hoodies, perhaps even a table cloth or curtains, all could benefit from a light jazz of free designery goodness.

Strange and Wonderful Albums: My Beauty by Kevin Rowland

2007-03-16T14:51:00.000Z

Kevin Rowland
My Beauty

In 1999 the ex-lead singer of Dexy’s Midnight Runners was coming out of a period of post-fame bankruptcy and cocaine addiction. He was deeply into therapy, fragile and emotional. Luckily, Alan McGee from Creation Records was on hand to expose him to national ridicule by enabling the release of one of the most bizarre solo albums of all time.

The cover image is a showstopper. Kevin in a midnight blue dress, hitched up to reveal stockings and a pair of manky pants, and pulled down to show his nipples.

It’s rumoured that when he was in recovery, he had listened to an hour of easy listening greyhair station Magic FM, and covered every song he heard. In order. As Rowland says in the sleevenotes, "These songs started to penetrate my frightened world. They reawakened something I'd only fleetingly sensed before… it was beauty… my beauty."

Witness the insanity. Whitney’s The Greatest Love of All, with a whispered intro, “Mother…” before Rowland’s soaring tenor breaks. Kevin isn’t afraid to personalise lyrics – Squeeze’s ‘Labelled With Love’ is renamed ‘I’ll Stay With My Dreams’. Kevin also trounces The Monkees’ ‘Daydream Believer’, The Unit Four Plus Two’s ‘Concrete And The Clay’ and ‘The Long And Winding Road’ by The Beatles.

The anguish of an over-therapised man audified, My Beauty sold only a handful of records. Shortly after its release, I saw him perform at the Reading festival wearing a white dress and stockings, accompanied by two strippers. It was one of the single greatest live performances I’ve ever seen. Rowland bravely struggling with a terrible sound, a breaking voice, and a field of mud being thrown into his face. Afterwards, as I saw him being assured by McGee that the show was amazing, I thought I was going to cry.

Happily, Dexy’s reformed and Kevin now seems in fine fettle. My Beauty just remains as a peek into his fall into the abyss.

Here's a video of Kevin singing The Concrete And The Clay from the album. Enjoy...

Chimps in a Band

2007-03-16T10:49:00.000Z

Yes it's cruel. Making chimpanzees 'play' instruments. But it's so funny. 1960s American children's favourites Lancelot Link and the Evolution Revolution go go-go power! But doesn't he have a lovely clear voice for a hairy, long armed creature? Although, of course, that never stopped Liam Gallagher etc etc...

Tom of Finland Bed Linen

2007-03-15T13:51:00.000Z

The genius who came up with the idea of Tom Of Finland bed linen deserves to be carried around their village on the shoulders of their friends. From further away, Dirty Linen's designs look like a dainty lady toile. But on closer inspection, Tom's seventies gay clone muscle men pose, flex and kiss filthily across your pillows.

The other designs are just dandy too - the tattoo style 'vice' and the groovy 'suburban' aren't quite as daring, but still stylish.

A pair of pillow cases will set you back $35, which is pricey, but worth every penny for the eye raises (or flirty winks) you'll get when washing these down the launderette. Buy them here

The Lemon Pipers!

2007-03-13T14:57:00.000Z

It’s definitely spring in London today. I can smell the sun for the first time in what seems an endless, eternal, grey age. So I’m in the mood for some sunshine pop. Hell, I’m always in the mood for some sunshine pop.

Here are the Lemon Pipers singing their poptacular hit Green Tambourine on the Upbeat TV show in 1968.

I think they may be a little smoked up. As pot fans probably never say.

The Modified Toy Orchestra

2007-03-12T14:04:00.000Z

I caught the Modified Toy Orchestra at a (really interesting and inspiring) Future of Sound event at Goldsmiths College in London.

They indulge in circuit bending, modifying kids’ musical toys and to create new instruments and ways of producing sounds. I’d heard about their work a lot, but had never seen them live, and so didn’t know quite how much soul and heart their songs have.

Truly, there is no greater sight than five geeky looking musicians lined up, gleefully playing hacked-up toys to produce songs. And songs that you really can hum on the way home.

The band often performs at experimental events that usually showcase acts of a more po-faced nature. Which makes the MTO’s playful samples and obvious joy in making music to make people happy even more appealing. They’re like Kraftwerk let loose in Hamleys.

Go and see them. Or buy their new album.

The picture above is of Hula Barbie, a messed up freak of a musical doll, that lead Toy Orchestra man Brian Duffy has wired up so that by spinning her arm, he produces a warped, distorted version of ‘Barbie Girl’ by Aqua. Don't miss the chance to see her live.

SingalongaFriday: America from West Side Story

2007-03-09T15:57:00.000Z

My favourite musical is West Side Story. And 'America' sums up all that's great about the film. Fast, sassy, modern-looking dance routines. Swishy, bright, brash costumes. Lyrics so full of attitude, they sound like they were carved into a kerbside bench with a flick knife.

Rita Moreno and George Chakiris burn up the floor, the air crackles, and the whole routine fizzles and sparks with excitement and sex appeal. Far spunkier than the sappy Maria and Tony. I LOVE it. This is when musicals were dragged high kicking and rocking and rolling into the modern world, and the art form was all the better for it.

Watching this, I can't understand why anyone could say they hate musicals. Gah!

If you've got room, dancealonga too...

Retro Cool Calculator

2007-03-08T19:43:00.000Z

So I was musing. Just as it's always darkest before the dawn, so it's always coolest before you were born. I've been trying to come up with a formula. The best and most accurate I can come up with is UC = DOB - 3. Where UC equals ultimate cool, DOB is your date of birth, and 3 is 3.

So, deduct five years from the date of your birth and you'll come up with the year which you'll regard as the most hip of all time. This explains why hip beatniks in the late fifties were digging trad jazz, why the Stone Roses generation worshipped The Byrds, why Blur loved The Kinks, why the Gang of Four have been venerated for the last four years, and why kids now are wishing they lived in the days when a smiley face and a glow stick could keep a raver happy all night (well, that and ten pills).

Of course, it doesn't explain why Nirvana worshipped Black Sabbath or Vincent Vincent and the Villains are obsessed with the 1950s, but give me time to refine this.

With my magic formula, not only will you be able to calculate what kids will be into next, but also, if you have friends who are having children, or you are considering it, you'll know what treats to buy and lay away in a box marked NOT TO BE OPENED UNTIL YOUR 21st BIRTHDAY for the nipper.

Or even when to start putting your valuable junk from years gone by on eBay.

I accept donations. Thank you.

Fashion Icon: Wonder Woman

2007-03-07T11:53:00.000Z

I’m having a Wonder Woman moment. From her jet black, glossy hair and clear, bright eyes, to the flesh tights and big tight pants so man made you can hear the thrush singing from a mile away, she is the embodiment of power, strength, and supersexiness.

Sadly, Buffy’s Joss Whedon is no longer writing the script or directing the upcoming feature film, but my hopes are still high that someone like Christina Ricci or Rose McGowan will lend some darkness to the role.

Meanwhile, why not get hold of some heroic merchandise, including shiny red boots, WW T shirts and those fabulous pants from Superherostuff.com

And to tide you over until the film comes out, here’s a compilation of some of Linda Carter as WW’s finest moments.

Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin Street Art

2007-03-06T14:10:00.000Z

I love this tribute to Jane Birkin and Serge Gainsbourg that someone has created in Lille, France. If I had to walk past this pasted-up picture every morning on my way to work, rather than interminable scribbled signatures, it would cheer me no end.

Despite him looking like a chainsmoking toad, Serge and Jane released some of the most sexy, breathy, downright filthy records of the 1960s. That they’re lurking on a seedy street corner, forever embracing, seems appropriate.

Find more arresting street art at The Wooster Collective

And Buy remastered Serge and Jane here

Jars for Drugs

2007-03-05T17:02:00.000Z

These stone jars are perfect for keeping your uppers, downers, blues, reds, or whatever new fangled name you give to your drugs in. Or even just tea bags if you’re boring like me.

I especially like the Quaaludes one. After reading various rock n roll biographies, I wondered for years what ‘’ludes’ were. I dig the name, it sounds like an exotic animal or perhaps a far flung country’s spear-waving inhabitants.

Anyway, these very cute mothers’ little helpers jars are made by Jonathan Adler, an admirable company who have their own manifestos. I like manifestos. Here are some of their best points
We believe colors can't clash.
We believe tassels are the earrings of the home.
We believe in our muses: David Hicks, Alexander Girard, Bonnie Cashin. Hans Coper, Gio Ponti, Andy Warhol, Leroy Neiman, Yves Saint Laurent, and Madonna.
We believe our designs are award winning even though they've never actually won any.

Excellent.

Scary Bottles Cartoon

2007-03-02T16:00:00.000Z

When I was a nipper, some time just before one Christmas, I watched the cartoon Bottles. Made by MGM in 1936, it’s one of those creations that’s made for children, but is truly terrifying. The kind of thing that couldn’t be made today for fear of putting the fear into kids. Fear that kids actually enjoy. It gave me the same frisson of terror that I got from, say, reading The Dark Is Rising by Susan Cooper, or listening to Stanley Holloway monologues.

It’s about a bearded old pharmacist who gets shrunk to the size of a ruler, and is terrorised by the bottles in his store that have come to life. The wibbly wobbly 1930s style only adds to the oddness. It’s on YouTube. Watch and enjoy.

BBC4's Week of New York Punk Rock

2007-03-01T16:39:00.000Z

BBC4 is a very exciting UK TV channel. It’s curiously old fashioned, screening documentaries that move slowly and are magnificently in depth. Or digging into the dusty corners of the BBC vaults for long forgotten music sessions. It’s like BBC2 used to be before it was infested with doing up your house or cooking a nice tea programmes. This week, it’s showing a series of documentaries about New York punk rock.

Tomorrow (Friday March 2) they have scheduled New York Doll, the documentary that follows the tragic story of the descent into alcoholism New York Doll member Arthur Kane, much of which was shot around the time of the band’s triumphant reformation.
New York Doll - BBC 4. 9.00pm - 10.15pm

On Saturday March 3, is a programme about the legendary punk hangout, and death place of Nancy Spungen The Chelsea Hotel.
Arena: Chelsea Hotel BBC 4. 10.25pm - 11.20pm

Followed by the story of Lou Reed’s Walk on the Wild Side. Although I think we all know that by now. Herbie Flowers will go ooooon about his bass line, AND there were backing vocals that had to be changed, AND there will be explanations of references to drag queens, AND Lou Reed will be grumpy and look like a supply teacher.
Arena: Tales of Rock 'n' Roll - a Walk on the Wild Side - BBC 4. 11.20pm - 12.05am

This looks good. But it’s only an hour. You know they’ll interview Debbie Harry.
Once Upon a Time in New York: the Birth of Hip Hop, Disco and Punk - BBC 4. 9.00pm - 10.00pm

As they will here, too. This is a great documentary, actually, with genuinely interesting and insightful interviews with members of a band who don’t just wash their dirty laundry in public, they run around with it until it’s dry. I LOVE the filthy looks Debbie Harry gives Clem Burke at the live shows. And the whole hoo ha over the Hall Of Fame debacle is hilarious. God bless Blondie.
Blondie: One Way or Another - BBC 4. 11.00pm - 12.15am

My heroes: Tommy Cooper

2007-02-28T13:55:00.000Z

Oh, he makes me laugh. And I'm sure he makes you laugh too. He was a comic and magician, and was more talented at both disciplines than most who specialise in just one. Of course, it was very sad when he keeled over live on TV, but really pretty funny too and what a way to go. And he wore a fez. Which automatically makes him 25% more funny.

Reade some of his one liners here

So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died.'
"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"
"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

And have a dig around this site to find our more about him, gems such such as this conversation with the Queen, which was meant to have taken place after a Royal Command Performance

"Do you think I was funny?" Tommy asked.
"Yes Tommy," replied the Queen.
"You really thought I was funny?", Tommy asked.
"Yes of course I thought you were funny" said the Queen.
"Did your Mother think I was funny?" Tommy asked.
"Yes, Tommy..." said the Queen, "we both thought you were funny."
"Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" Tommy asked.
"No, ........." replied the Queen, "...but I might not be able to give you a full answer."
"Do you like football?" asked Tommy.
"Well not really" said the Queen.'
"In that case, ..." said Tommy, "....do you mind if I have your Cup Final Tickets?'"

You know what? It doesn't even matter if it's true...

Dogs In Hats

2007-02-27T14:53:00.000Z

There is nothing in this life that tickles me more than a dog in a hat. I think a fez or a tiny sombrero adds gravitas and authority to any hound.

Here is a video of some more bonzos wearing bonnets. I particularly like the party hatted pooches.

More dogs in costumes here

Heart Shaped Sunglasses On The Cheap

2007-02-26T17:45:00.000Z

Run run run to your nearest H&M store And buy these cheap-o, cute-o heart sunglasses for £3.99 (although the picture doesn't ACTUALLY show the ones I've got as the H&M website isn't so hot).

I got them in optimistic spring mint green. H&M is on a ROLL at the moment, what with its practical yet rave-friendly star-spangled hooded tops, and cute tunic dresses scattered with hearts.

Now you too can look like Vladimir Nabakov's dream girl.

Lucky Soul

2007-02-25T17:33:00.000Z

Last night I went to see Lucky Soul at the Luminaire in Kilburn. The band say they are from Greenwich, London, but in reality, are from another era. An era when women singers didn't emote by screaming, or trying to fit as many notes into one syllable as is humanly possible. An era when musicians wore suits. An era when pop songs could be melancholy and uplifting and string-soaked and stirring all at once.

Lead singer Ali Howard is a direct cross of Dusty Springfield and Debbie Harry. Her voice cracks with emotion in the right places, soars high above the crowd at the band's climaxes, and pierces your heart with its directness.

The band's pin-precise versions of guitarist Andrew Laidlaw's show-stopping tunes is awe inspiring. When I first saw a picture of The Pipettes, this is what I imagined they might sound like, but sadly they didn't. Go and see Lucky Soul now before the only way to see them is to reserve seats at the Albert Hall three months in advance.

Buy their last single Lips Are Unhappy here. I've linked to the 7" vinyl version, because that feels the most appropriate format. This band are definitely a dusty grooves rather than shiny silver group.

Painting By Numbers

2007-02-25T17:12:00.000Z

Painting by numbers used to be the preserve of the very young, the very old and those in some kind of therapy. Kits came with boards marked out for the budding artist to daub on prescribed colours.

But the craft is now being rehabilitated courtesy of arty types. This month, the Corey Helford Gallery held a charity auction of painting by numbers artworks that had been messed around with by artists such as Glenn Barr and Liz McGrath after they'd completed the original picture. The results twisted the familiar bold blocks of the art into something altogether more strange and imaginative.

Meanwhile, Tate art gallery's shop is selling oh-so-tasteful PBN kits so you can boast you've created your own wall hangings. And they're on sale at the moment! They're a bit school of Argos Additions for me, but would be fun to have a bash at.

I think I'd rather go for this Louis Wain-esque painting by numbers and, with a few modifications, create a mad cat picture worthy of the walls of Bedlam itself.

SingaLongaWonka

2007-02-23T14:58:00.000Z

It's Friday. Turn your computer speakers up loud, and join in with Willyoke

Live in a Cartoon Courtesy of Fred Flare

2007-02-21T14:08:00.000Z

I am considering emigrating to the USA purely so I can stalk the owners of marvellous internet emporium, Fred Flare

You could furnish your whole home and wardrobe from the NYC-based site, and basically live the Technicolor nu rave dream without having to neck those health-endangering pills.

From smiley-faced hoodies with grins that glow in the dark, to plates shaped like slices of pizza to balance your Hawaiian on, to brooches shaped like octopi wearing eyepatches, to cute tins, and Mario mushroom-shaped kitchen timers, oh hell, it’s like owners Chris and Keith have transplanted an Argos store to the Harjuku district in Tokyo .

First established in 1998, the store now sells lines from iHotto and Jack and Lulu to the bigger Paul Frank and Hello Kitty.

And it’s not too expensive. The oh-so-kind exchange rate wind is fully blowing behind us and the prices are less than high street anyway. So the set of pizza plates clocks in at $15 for four, the hoodie is $40, and the cute mushroom timer $12. Put on your sunglasses, and get out your credit card.

Optical Illusions to Make Your Eyes Hurt

2007-02-20T20:21:00.000Z

Michael Bach is an evil man. His collection of spinning, throbbing, pulsating optical illusions make your head hurt and your eyes burn. But you won't be able to stop looking. And looking. Bridget Riley had nothing on the designers of these vicious patterns.

The Twisted World of Elizabeth McGrath

2007-02-19T17:44:00.000Z

Elizabeth ‘Bloodbath’ McGrath is so talented, that were she any less charming, you’d puke. Not only does she play in the swampily groovy and heartmelting Miss Derringer , not only is she utterly stunning, but she’s one of the most talented, creative, witty, and snarky artists working in the USA right now. I would give my right ventricle to own one of her creepy, twisted pieces of genius. But for now I will make do with her book, Everything That Creeps

Some of her work is currently on display at the Mondo Bizzarro gallery in Rome

Souvenir Tat Charms

2007-02-18T16:15:00.000Z

Like any good teenybopper, I love bag charms. At the moment, I'm rocking the 60s European Vacation look. Swinging souvenirs from the continent, and the UK in a big bunch hanging from my oversized bag. Yum.

Pick up cheapo keyrings from tourist tat shops, or supercheap on eBay . Or go higher budget with this stylised, 7" Gay Paris luggage tag from ModCloth for $11.99 (they deliver to the UK). Keep it tacky. And remember to wear a pair of HUGE sunglasses to top off the look.

One Legged Tap Dancer

2007-02-16T15:27:00.000Z

Ladies and gentlemen, the marvellous Clayton 'Peg Leg' Bates

Friday Afternoon Muppet-a-thon

2007-02-16T14:20:00.000Z

I love the Muppet show

From Mna Mna...

To Debbie Harry singing One Way or Another. Accompanied by a punk rock Muppetband - dig the sock Clem Burke on drums!

And Johnny Cash singing Jackson with Miss Piggy...

Really. Eat that, Balamory!

Kentucky Fried Tattoo

2007-02-15T15:59:00.000Z

I have two whopping tattoos, and always thought that was enough for me. But now I've seen this awesome Colonel Sanders inking, I may need to rethink. From the astounding bmezine.com

Pink Panther Car on eBay

2007-02-15T12:49:00.000Z

Oh Christ. The car used in the credits for the Pink Panther cartoon is up for sale on eBay . You know the one? Pulls up to the kerb, bam bam be da be bam on the drums, kid gets out. The nation’s children go green with envy?

Want. Need. Want.

I Hate Bono Dartboard

2007-02-14T16:42:00.001Z

I despise the loathsome, Napoleon-complex-made-flesh, self-aggrandiser Bono, so I love this. It’s a piece of art, so probably way too expensive to actually have hanging in your garage, and you wouldn’t want to actually throw darts at something that pricey. It’s by Miles Donovan, and part of an exhibition at London’s the Dazed Gallery. Eighteen artists based in London were asked to design a dartboard with the thing they most hated on it for an exhibition curated by Garudio Studiage.

My Budget Valentine

2007-02-14T11:14:00.000Z

Forgotten Valentine's Day? Compound your crime by printing one of these to shove under your loved one's door this evening.

From Here

Wake Up With Dolly Parton

2007-02-13T14:26:00.000Z

February is the worst month for absenteeism from work.

The Employment Law Advisory Services reckon that last Monday, 310,000 UK workers called in sick, costing British industry £27m. Spokesman Peter Mooney said "Poor weather, long dark nights and a general dissatisfaction with official holidays all mean that early February is a very popular time for workers to give themselves an extra 'duvet day'."

You know what I reckon? That THIS should be played on every radio station, beamed to every iPod, and blanket bomb programmed over every channel at 8 am every February morning. Britain! Let's get motivated! Go Dolly!

Dolly is playing London's Wembley Arena on March 19th. Anyone fancy coming to see her?

Mary Ellen Mark

2007-02-13T11:31:00.000Z

Mary Ellen Mark is a fantastic photographer. A very serious photojournalist, who has taken pictures of drug addicts, and the homeless.

Somewhat superficially, I love her pictures of circuses from around the world. She manages to capture the despondency and pathos behind the glitter, smiles, and sequins. It's the old tears of a clown cliche, but it looks so, so good. Have a dig around her site and fall on your knees in admiration.

Buy her book here,
Exposure Photographs

Kitchen Kitsch

2007-02-12T10:38:00.000Z

I scavenge old cook books from charity shops and jumble sales. I love the gaudy recipe illustrations. And the old recipes that inevitably involve aspic and canned fruits. Taschen, the book company whose wares you can always find for cheap at remaindered book shops, have brought out a tribute to those publications, Kitchen Kitsch.

It's a lovely book. And not covered in flour and fat splatters, like most of my vintage finds... It's a little bit of a shame there aren't any actual recipes included, but the bold, more garish than Zsa Zsa Gabor graphics more than make up for that. I'm going to scan some of the pictures in to my computer and print them on cushion covers.

Stiff Records T Shirts

2007-02-09T14:22:00.000Z

Stiff Records were the coolest label of the punk era. They released records by The Damned, Ian Dury and The Blockheads, and Madness. All bands I loved when I was a nipper. Although, obviously, I had no idea they were all on the same label.

I bought a Stiff Records t shirt the other day. It has the Stiff slogan, "If It Ain't Stiff, It Ain't Worth A F*ck" emblazoned across it. I love wearing it. It makes me feel like I'm on one of the legendary Stiff tours, where a load of spotty oiks climbed onto a bus (or even a train!) and rampaged in the nicest possible way around the country. It makes me feel punk rock, although the logo is almost 30 years old.

Everyone should have one.

They're £17 from here.

It's Friday.. Time for XANADU

2007-02-09T14:12:00.000Z

Hell, it's ALWAYS time for Xanadu. Take it away Olivia and ELO

Black Vinyl, White Pod

2007-02-08T15:57:00.000Z

Mixing old technology with new, these iPod cases are made from battered vinyl 7” singles, padded inside with felt to keep your digital music safe and sounding good. They cost $45.00 CAD and $15 shipping worldwide. From 45ipodcases.com

As they’re made from whatever singles the people at Canadian company Contexture Design can scavenge, if you see one you like, jump fast. I’ve got my eye on (what else but?) the Olivia Newton John and ELO’s version of Xanadu. Of which more anon…

Frankie Laine's Finest Moment

2007-02-08T12:15:00.000Z

I'm so sad that legendary singer and the manliest sounding man of all time, Frankie Laine died this week. Just the sound of his voice made me think of cowboys, deserts, and galloping hooves.

His finest moment was, perhaps, singing the theme to Champion The Wonder Horse. It was like Lassie. Only with a horse.

Amazing Video from El Guapo Stuntteam

2007-02-07T19:21:00.000Z

I once had the pleasure of meeting the lovely boys from Belgian maximum rock n rollers El Guapo Stuntteam. They can rock the socks off some crocs in a box. And their spanking new video for their song Back From The Grave is a work of awesome genius. I don't want to spoil it too much, but it includes a stuntman on fire, zombies, girls with guns, beings with laser eyes, and a spoof 1960s tv show. Watch to the end for maximum pleasure...

Go on an Afro Safari

2007-02-07T16:46:00.000Z

Women’s hairstyles have names. The ‘bob’. The ‘pob’ (ugh). The ‘Jennifer’ (ugh ugh ugh). But apart from the ‘combover’, or the quiff, men’s hairdos are less rigourously categorised. Except, it seems, in the 1970s, when Ebony Magazine took it upon itself to name popular afro-carribbean coiffs of the day. From The Blow-Up, The Secret Agent, The Perfecto, this hair has FLAIR. The 'do that dares speak its name...

Meathaus.com has scanned in a wonderful page from the publication. Do go and have a look. Maybe print out the page and use it to play hair bingo next time you’re out and about.

The weird thing is, facial hair for men has always been strictly demarcated. The World Beard Championships has many categories, from the ‘imperial’ to the ‘Fu Manchu’. If I were a man, or even a hirsute woman, I would try all sorts of facial hair. Like this man, Sir Percy Wyndham. Perhaps an unclassifiable facial hair arrangement, but still, raise your invisible hats to him.

Day of the Dead Elvis and Punk Rocker

2007-02-06T13:32:00.000Z

More than anything else, I'd love to go to Mexico at the beginning of November, when they celebrate the Day of the Dead, or Día de los Muertos.

It's a festival where those still living celebrate the lives of those now in the afterlife. I couldn't give two hoots about the religious significance of it all, to be honest, I just like the tack that goes with the festival. Children eat brightly-coloured, sugary skulls, and the offerings of tequila for the long departed relatives are drunk after the ghostly relatives have had their invisible fill.

Day of the Dead altars are gaudy little vignettes, featuring mini representations of skeletons of relatives, still doing whatever they did in the earthly realm. So a taxi driver's grave would be decorated with a skeletal cabbie scene, and someone who works in McDonald's tomb would be temporarily topped with a burger flipping bone man.

Silver Crow Creations sell relatively cheap Day of the Dead models, necklaces, and vignettes, and deliver to the UK. I really like the Elvis and the punk rocker ones (above). They're a celebration of death, a light-hearted take on passing, rather than the sombre, heavy, always, always serious tributes of European culture.

I intend to get some to decorate my last-remaining patch of bare mantel with, and make 2007 the Year of the Dead.

The Cutest Caravans

2007-02-05T16:03:00.001Z

Pod caravans are the cutest, most stylish way of spending a weekend in the country. These are the boutique hotels to regular caravan’s seedy b&bs.

A shade over 3m long, and 1.5m wide, they are compact enough to tow behind a racy two seater in my dream world. If Bertie Wooster went to festivals, this is what he’d sleep in.

The kitted-out versions come in whatever colour you care to pluck, I like the dandy candy hues. They are complete with a kitchen, awning, and table that folds into a snug double bed.

Ideal for luxury beach living, or a dinky weekendawaymobile. Of course, I want one. And a car to tow it as well. They’re pricy though, at £4,700.00 for the fully fitted version.

Busby Berkeley

2007-02-04T19:23:00.000Z

OK, perhaps Paul St Paul and his Apostles (see below) have encouraged some rampant campanoia, but I'm having a Busby Berkeley day.

He was the choreographer behind some of the most spectacular musicals of the first half of last century. Obviously, watching his beyond-spectacular dance routines on YouTube is like listening to someone covering a Stooges album on comb and paper, but it's a taster.

Go and buy one of the criminally small selection of Busby DVDs released, such as The Great Ziegfeld, or try and catch a screening somewhere like the NFT.

Enjoy (but skip past the dude singing at the start) From The Ziegfeld Story

And no, he wasn't on drugs when he made this.. The Polka Dot Polka from The Gang's All Here

Paul St Paul and the Apostles

2007-02-04T18:23:00.001Z

Last night I went to see the amazing Paul St Paul and the Apostles play in Camden. And they were amazing. They mimed their way through a Rocky Horror-meets-Prince full-on revue, complete with interludes, skits, co-ordinated routines, and vampy costumes.

Lead singer Paul St Paul is an old fashioned star. Like Leif Garrett or one of the holy Davids Essex or Cassidy, that I only ever read about in dusty teen annuals I found in charity shops, he has the sincerity to go with the innate campness every truly great frontman needs. He's the kind of curly-locked, limpid-eyed, popboy that makes confused and hormone-soaked pre-teen girls kiss posters every night, and their older brothers to think very hard about their sexuality. And if his 'man perm' never gets a chance to spawn a thousand copies, the world is truly an unfair and cruel place.

The rest of the band, or 'company' really, are a motley crew of dandies, fops, and tremendously talented dancers. They'd rather scatter glitter around than beer, and every twitch of every limb is pinpoint accurate.

I guess the band will be described as "post Scissor Sisters and Mika" gay. But what they do is more akin to a 70s punk revue or happening. More 'performance art' if that wasn't a dirty word. Their music is all disco beats, searing guitar solos and emotive vocals, and their songs have titles like "Let's Pretend We're Gay". They're the kind of band who make a video advertisement for their London show (it's below). The kind of band who appreciate that the truly great disco songs are steeped in melancholy.

I love them, and I dearly want to see them again. I'm sure they'll be signed to a huge label and play venues more equipped to deal with their fabulously de trop stage show very soon, but I'm really happy to have seen them living out their glorious over ambitions in a teenier arena.

Kitchen Kitsch

2007-02-02T18:01:00.000Z

The Sweetiest Handbags Ever

2007-02-02T17:53:00.000Z

Helen Rochfort makes cutesy, shiny handbags that make you feel good just looking at them. Inspired by sweets, chocolates, and cupcakes, her purses fizzle with sherbety goodness, emblazoned with hypercoloured goodies, from Wonka’s golden tickets, to pink sweeties, and Dorothy’s ruby slippers. Helen describes the bags as "vintage kitsch and delicious!"

At $75 (about £38), they are pricier than your average New Look bag, but so, so worth it. You’ll look a perfect candified princess swinging along the street with one of these over your arm. I asked Helen who she'd most like to see carrying one of her bags, and she said, "I would love every lady in the land to carry one of my handbags!
Jennifer Nicholson (Fashion designer and Jack's daughter!) has just bought three.
See my MySpace for whole collection...I must put more on my Etsy shop..I've been so busy though!

A Night With Pacman

2007-02-02T17:11:00.000Z

Oh Jeez. I think I might just waste the weekend here playing free online old computer games.

80s computer games!

If anyone ever finds the godlike Mr Do online, please let me know.

Free Tunnock's Tea Cakes Games

2007-02-01T19:45:00.000Z

Tunnock's tea cakes* (ironically named, as they are neither cakes, nor particularly good with tea) are the best mallow-based confectionary ever to be manufactured in Scotland. Their iconic red and silver striped packaging is a pop art gem, and the sweetmeat inside more than lives up to its exoskeleton's promise of sickly treasure.

The Tunnock's site is a joy to browse. Beautifully designed, with a rosy-cheeked kiddy straight out of a 1940s adventure annual, it gives you a warm nostalgic glow. And it's not often you get nostalgic in front of a harsh computer screen.

Don't miss the fabulously tongue in cheek games, one a Pacman-style affair, where you guide the aforementioned cheeksome child around a maze, gobbling teacakes as he goes, and the other a race to help the little fella catch falling teacakes in a winter wonderland.

While we're on a Tunnock's tip, have a good look around this I Love Tunnock's site (including lovely pictures of the Tunnock's factory) and these flickr pictures, ideal for using as a screensaver.

*"What really sets the Tunnock's apart from its Tea Cake brethren is its marshmallow which is based on egg white rather than gelatine. This gives it a consistency somewhere between shaving foam and bath sealant. The process that actually places this stuff on the biscuit base and then covers it in chocolate must be a miracle of biscuit engineering given the super sticky nature of the mallow. The fact that the Tea Cakes exist means that there isn't a machine somewhere Scotland buried under a mountain of proto-tea cake gunge." From nicecupofteaandasitdown.com

How to Kick Him to the Kerb in Style

2007-01-31T13:18:00.000Z

It was a sad beginning to 2007, as burlesque diva Dita Von Teese announced that she was divorcing her husband, monkey-breath Manson. But she's got over the trauma of leaving the milky-eyed goth in style.

I love these pictures of her modelling for Jean-Paul Gaultier at last week's Paris Couture shows. Dita is weeping tears of blood, and dressed as a kind of Pierre et Gilles-style superCatholic Madonna. He loves his Madonnas, that Jean-Paul.

Jean-Paul says, "She was bleeding a little, there was some blood and some red, but that's what is beautiful about passion, no? It's love and pain at the same time." I say, "Where can I get one of those rose hats?"

DIY Valentine's day presents

2007-01-30T13:15:00.000Z

The most depressing places in the world are Clinton Cards shops. Soulless, devoid of any real emotion, and stacked high with tack of no artistic merit. The most depressing day of the year is Valentine's day. If you have a 'partner', you'll stress over what to get them, and even whether you should get them something, if you don't, you will have to put up with the sight of loved-up dullards cooing at each other over over-priced dinner 'deals'.

Gross.

The only way round the whole mess is to bypass the whole red heart industry, and make your own Valentine's day gift for your fella, your lady, or yourself, if no fellas or ladies are in sight. And the awesome Craftzine.com" is here to help. Their cute, cheap, and easy-to-make ideas will win the stoniest heart. From their Etched minty Valentine's box" to this gift for the geek in your life, the resistor ring, and everlasting duct tape roses. Awww. Who said romance was dead? Start making your gift now, you have two weeks. Othewise it's a cuddly Garfield clutching a heart and an Elizabeth Duke claddagh ring for you.

The Stingler

Hacking, customising, patronising...

Top pop videos with dance routines

How to make strawberries even better

Hey, you been working out, dawg?

Peach and Mint Blast

Monkees Kool Aid Commercial

Parma violets

Destino - Dali and Disney collide

I think I'd like a mural on my wall

Steely-stared chipmunk

Vintage car-inspired handbags

Mr Frosty

The Everlasting Genius of The Who

Mitch O'Connell Tattoos book

Spoilers alert!

You should own a Monks album

Lovely Lady Air Stewardesses

The Horrors - She Is The New Thing

The Thursford Collection, Norfolk

Girls and Corpses website makes it into print

Creepy Baby Lamp

Mind Bending Chuckle Brothers Thing

Fabio + Goose - Dignity = Best Picture of All Time.

Sad Ghost Salt and Pepper Shakers

Eurovision: Sweden Were Robbed

Aliens and Beta Band

Daphne and Celeste were amazing

Youth cult photographs at PYMCA

Heidi Seeker's nu rave wonderment

Hairspray Is Coming

More Meat

Meat and Cheese Handbags

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains

Save The Spitz

Gay Dog Alert

My groovy new car

Lily Allen's shoes on sale soon

The Turtles - Happy Together

Shiny Shiny Plastic Shoes

Phil Spector - A Life In Haircuts

The best hats money can buy

Back soon

The Genius of Ronnie Barker

Jarvis Cocker's Genius New Video

The Queen In The Rain

Wim Delvoye

Super Mario Brothers in Lego

Zelda meets Led Zeppelin T Shirt

The Wonderful World of Katamari Damacy

New Benefit BadGal Mascara. Lashless Girls Everywhere Rejoice.

Evocative pictures of British greasy spoon cafes

Free Designer T Shirt Downloads

Strange and Wonderful Albums: My Beauty by Kevin Rowland

Chimps in a Band

Tom of Finland Bed Linen

The Lemon Pipers!

The Modified Toy Orchestra

SingalongaFriday: America from West Side Story

Retro Cool Calculator

Fashion Icon: Wonder Woman

Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin Street Art

Jars for Drugs

Scary Bottles Cartoon

BBC4's Week of New York Punk Rock

My heroes: Tommy Cooper

Dogs In Hats

Heart Shaped Sunglasses On The Cheap

Lucky Soul

Painting By Numbers

SingaLongaWonka

Live in a Cartoon Courtesy of Fred Flare

Optical Illusions to Make Your Eyes Hurt

The Twisted World of Elizabeth McGrath

Souvenir Tat Charms

One Legged Tap Dancer

Friday Afternoon Muppet-a-thon

Kentucky Fried Tattoo

Pink Panther Car on eBay

I Hate Bono Dartboard